Conversation Changer #21 : Singing

Note: This is an oldie that we forgot to publish. As you can tell, it was written in June. School has resumed again and Fred is getting his fair share of quintupiple advanced college level world dictator classes. We are also getting experience as presidents of congress.


Prepare: Learn the lyrics to a song that is popular and maybe even annoying. It also helps if you can't sing or have a naturally annoying singing voice.

What to do: Bored with the conversation? Just start singing.

Example:
Carlos: Can we please go to the movies? I really want to see "Pink Ponies Fly"! It's about two people who work at an amusement park and fall in love.
Fred: No.
Carlos: But it's full of romance and love and... please?
Fred: No.
Carlos: Plea-
Fred: (singing) It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! Partying, partying-
Carlos: Um, it's Thursday.
Fred: Yeah! Fun, fun, fun, fun...
Carlos: Hey! Last Friday was the last day of school!
Fred: I know. It's sucks. I'm going to miss my quadruple advanced calculus and trigonometry statistics class.
Carlos: My favorite part of the year was...


Conclusion: Your friend will be reminded of something from the song and will talk about that. Or if the song is really annoying, they'll talk about anything to get you to stop singing.

Warning: Learning a popular/catchy/annoying song has the risks of your head exploding because it gets stuck in your head and doesn't come out.

Conversation Changer #20 : Sleep

Prepare: Either be really tired already (if you know that an awkward conversation will definitely come up) or just have good acting.

What to do: Fall asleep in the middle of the conversation.

Example: 
Jarrah: I'm so excited for this summer! Carlos, we are going to have so much fun! We can reread the encyclopedias we read last summer, except it has to be the updated version of course and of course we can annotate them too.
Carlos: Um, no thanks.
Jarrah: What? Don't mumble. We can also count the number of words in the books in the Library of Congress and then dust them and-
Carlos: (snore)
Jarrah: Carlos? Are you awake? Do you not want to talk about this?
Carlos: What? Cookies...
Jarrah: Wake up! Let's go eat some cookies!
Carlos: (slowly awakens) What? Where am I?
Jarrah: Chocolate chip or sugar cookies?

Conclusion: You've changed the conversation! And got a nap in too!

Warning: Make it realistic and don't be too tired or your friend might leave you asleep wherever you are. Falling asleep in a fountain is not pleasant. Just saying.

Conversation Changer #19: Moving

Prepare: Come up with a realistic place you could move to (unless your friend is not very bright, then any place will work). You could also actually be moving or use this when you are moving but that is definitely not a requirement. 

What to do: When you need to change the conversation, simply tell your friend you're moving.

Example: 

Alberto: Will you please tell me?

Kris: No.

Alberto: Pretty please! 

Kris: No and that's final.

Alberto: COME ON!!
Kris: NO!

Alberto: I know that you like Maria!! Come on, admit it!!

Kris: I'm moving.

Alberto: What?

Kris: To Ohio.

Alberto: NOOOOOO!! I'LL MISS YOU SOOO MUCH!!!

Kris: Just kidding.

Alberto: (sigh of relief)

Kris: I'm actually moving to China.

Conclusion: Once your friend is hit with the realization that you are "moving", they will start talking about how much they'll miss you and how nice and sweet you are.

Warning: Have a believable excuse for why you're actually not moving later when you don't end up moving. Try to sound realistic and don't use this often.

Conversation Changer #18 : Compliment

Prepare: Look up compliment in the dictionary. Practice sounding genuine. Your mom is the best person to practice complimenting because moms always know when you're lying or faking.

What to do: Distract the person by complimenting them.

Example: 
Jarrah: ...and then the clouds were dancing and purple unicorns were flying and I saw flying pigs and I was so happy eating cotton candy and then I started falling and then I woke up! Want me to tell you about my amazing dream again?
Kris: No, I think ten times is enough.
Jarrah: OK! It all started when I saw a pink lizard and started following it-
Kris: I love your shoes! They're really cool!
Jarrah: (looks down) What? Thanks! I like your shirt!
Kris: I like your socks!
Jarrah: I love complimenting people! Let's go compliment random people! Hey! You! (points at random person) Nice hair!! I really like it!
Random Person: Uh, thanks..
Kris: (whispers) Jarrah, let's go!
Jarrah: You there! I love your glasses!
Kris: (sigh)

Conclusion: Conversation changed? Check.

Warning: Sound genuine. Fakeness will just get your friend mad. Also, after they are distracted, guide the conversation elsewhere so it doesn't go back to where it was before.

Conversation Changer #17: Big Words

Prepare: Be smart. Know a lot of big words and how to use them at least somewhat correctly.

What to do: When a person is talking to you or asking you awkward questions reply with a sentence that uses a plethora  of big words. 

Example:
Jarrah: Hey, Xianna!
Xianna: Oh, hi.
Jarrah: Do you want to come with me to the annual international name convention? It lasts all day and there's this speaker, he has the world record for putting the most people to sleep at a speech and they don't offer food and it's really freezing in the building but it's still great! Well?
Xianna: The convention has the pretense of being bromidic and platitudinous and while those activities may titillate me on opaque days, this day is obviously translucent. 
Jarrah: Huh? I'm so confused. What were we talking about?
Xianna: The weather is nice today.
Jarrah: Yes, yes it is. Well, since this conversation is over, I think, I have to go. Bye!
Xianna: Bye! (sigh of relief)

Conclusion: Your friend will be so confused they will forget about the earlier conversation and maybe be scared away by your genius.

Warning: Use this only on not very smart people. Another smart person may retaliate with another round of big words and you do not, DO NOT, want to get into a big word fight. (I'm not speaking from experience of course. I would never get into one of those.)

Conversation Changer #16 : Crying

Prepare: Know how to fake cry.

What to do: When you want to change the conversation, start crying.

Example:
Carlos: I am the luckiest person alive! I won a million dollars in the lottery and now I can buy anything I want and my parents are taking me to Hawaii and....
Fred: (starts crying)
Carlos: What's wrong?
Fred: (starts crying harder) My life sucks. I got an A on my project. I was supposed to get an A+ and I didn't. (keeps crying)
Carlos: Come on, Fred, it's going to be okay. How about we talk about your favorite book now.
Fred: (stops crying) Really? Okay!

Conclusion: Your friend will feel so bad for you, they will talk about anything that will make you happy.

Warning: Your crying has to be believable or else you'll just make yourself look bad. Also, don't use this one often or else your friends will get you therapy for depression.

Conversation Changer #15: Confession

Prepare: Sometimes the truth can set you free. And sometimes it can get you out of awkward conversations!

What To Do: A sudden confession will be more than enough to distract your talker, especially if it concerns them. The juicier the better!

Example:

Jarrah: -and then we went frolicking through the flowers. She loved the ring I got her. I'm telling you, Ivanna's the girl for me...I've never met anyone like her before! She just makes me feel so complete-

Fred: Ivanna's marrying me.

Jarrah: She's just so beautiful and-what? WHY?!

Fred: You mentioned her the other day so I went to go talk to her. She's the heir to the Russian throne apparently so I asked her to marry me. It was pretty cool.

Jarrah: (in tears) WHAT! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME FRED?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!

Fred: (shrugs) She comes from money and power, and besides, it's not like her husbands last long anyway. I'm doing you a favor, pal. This way, you get to stay alive and I get to be the Russian czar. Everyone wins!

Jarrah: Wow...I never thought of it that way. You're a genius, Fred.

Fred: Evil genius, Jarrah. The evil part's important.

Conclusion: You can completely turn the conversation around with this one! Just make sure you like the way it's heading, or your confession won't matter.

Warning: All right so the actual conversation didn't really go like this. Jarrah actually...threatened to murder me if I married Ivanna, so this wasn't a good thing to bring up in the middle of conversation. Make sure you confession doesn't get you killed.