Conversation Changer #9: Get Excited

Prepare: Know what your friends or the people you talk to like. Know what they are passionate about and what gets them excited.

What to do: When they are talking about something awkward or asking you nosy questions simply ask them about what they are excited about and could talk hours about.

Example:
Jarrah: So do you like that girl? I bet you do. You're always talking to her.
Carlos: Umm, she's nice but...
Jarrah: So, you do like her?
Carlos: Well... hey did you know that the name Beatrice means, umm, bearlike?
Jarrah: You are so ignorant! That's a lie. Beatrice means bringer of joy. It is of French origin and has many different variations. I will now tell you all of them. Beatriz, Beatrix,...

Conclusion: If the person is really passionate about the new topic and loves talking about it, they'll quickly adapt to your inconspicuous change of subject and talk.

Warning: ...And talk and talk and talk and talk. You might want to have ear plugs handy if the new topic does not suit your fancy.

Conversation Changer # 8: Random Fact

Prepare: Have an encyclopedic array of useless trivial facts

What to do: In the midst of an awkward moment, randomly shout out your preferred "gem of knowledge", sidetracking the talker.

Example:
Fred: And so after I bit the zombie's head off, he spontaneously self combusted and-
Jarrah: Hey Fred?
Fred: -out of nowhere there was a bunch of confetti-I mean can you believe it? Who would've thought-
Jarrah: Did you know that if you farted consistently for six years and nine months, you could produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb?
Fred: ...
Jarrah: ...
Fred: Jarrah!
Jarrah: What?
Fred: THAT'S AWESOME! WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT...HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEK?
Jarrah: ...


Conclusion: Well...you probably don't want the conversation to go the way ours did, but you get the picture. It's all about sidetracking the talker (though this example might have caused more awkward moments than it stopped)

Warning: Make sure your fun fact is, indeed, a fun fact. If it's boring, it might not work. You might want to make sure it's not awkward either, at least not for you. Also, if it's too disgusting, the person might get up and leave.

Conversation Changer #7: Excuses

Prepare: Think of a believable excuse.

What to do: When the conversation gets unbearable, use your excuse as a reason to leave.

Example:
Jarrah: Hey, do you want to hear me sing? I've been practicing all day and-
Alberto: Umm, it's okay, you don't have to...
Jarrah: Oh, come on. You know you want to hear me sing.
Alberto: (glances at wristwatch) Hey, look at the time. My mom's gonna kill me if I break curfew again. I gotta go. (gets up to leave) Bye! See you later. (leaves)
Jarrah: (sings) Byeeeeeee! (glass shatters)

Conclusion: This is great when you've tried every other possible way to change the conversation and it hasn't worked. You leave and the conversation is over.

Warning: Only use this in the case of immediate emergency (like the prospect of your ears bleeding). It's pretty lame when you use something as uncreative as this. Remember, lying is WRONG...unless you happen to be very good at it.

Conversation Changer #6: Name Meaning

Prepare: Look up the meaning of your name.

What to do: Interrupt the person talking and start talking about the meaning of your name.


Example:
Carlos: ... so I saw this movie and the main character was really cute! Did you guys see that movie?
Jarrah and Fred: Umm…
Carlos: And that other one! Didn't you think that one was really attractive?
Jarrah: Did you know that my real name is Jabari Jarman Jarrah Juma?
Carlos: Huh?
Jarrah: It means a fearless German eucalyptus tree born on a Friday.
Kris: I wish my name meant something cool like that.
Fred: My name means peaceful ruler. That means I rule you guys with an iron fist.
Kris: What about peaceful?
Fred: Huh?
Carlos: Okay then. I wonder what my name means…
Jarrah: It means Strong one. But mine’s cooler. I'm a eucalyptus tree. And I wasn’t even born on a Friday and I’m not even German! How awesome it that?!
Carlos: Cool…

Conclusion: You changed the topic! A new conversation about name meanings was started.

Warning: If you have a boring name meaning, the conversation might end really quickly. I suggest you change your name to something with a cool meaning or make one up.

Conversation Changer #5: Love Confession

Prepare: Make sure you're on joking terms with the person. Otherwise this one is not for you.

What to do: Drop the L-bomb on your friend when he/she isn't expecting it.

Example:
Fred: Come on, Carlos. We have to catch the bus. I have to get a seat!
Carlos: Wait, can you tie my shoelaces for me?
Fred: Um, I love you, man.
Carlos: Wait, what? Oh alright...I love you, too, pal.
Fred: Yay! Now let's go. I have a bus to catch.
Carlos: Okay.

Conclusion: This one is really cheesy, but hey! It's been proven to work and it can get you out of doing stuff, like tying your friend's shoelaces.

Warning: Be careful who you use it on. Otherwise the results could be hazardous. (don't say we didn't warn you)

Conversation Changer #4: Food

Prepare: You don't really need to prepare. Think of a food. Know what food is.

What to do: Ask the people for food. When they try to remember what they were talking about before, introduce a new topic.

Example:

Fred: Look! There's Kris and Maria!
Jarrah: They are so cute!
Alberto: Adorable!
Carlos: They're holding hands!
Jarrah, Alberto, Carlos: Aww!
Kris: (blushes)
Maria: Does anybody have any M&M's?
All: (look for M&M's)
Fred: I have pocket lint...
Jarrah: Maybe, yeah.
Alberto: No...
Carlos: Why?
Maria: (takes M&M's) Thanks.
Fred: Wait, what were we talking about before?
Maria: Flying pigs.
Carlos: Oh yeah! Flying pigs are pretty cool!
Jarrah: I had a flying pig once. Her name was Pakuna.
Alberto: Really? I didn't know that....
Fred: Pakuna?

Conclusion: Voila! You changed the conversation. And you got food. Two for one.

Warning: Your friends might not have food. That would be awkward. Or they might remember what they were talking about before. But that's not likely. It helps if you have chocolate.

Conversation Changer #3: Justin Bieber

Prepare: Just be able to think fast and react suddenly. The talker must know who Justin Bieber is or it won't matter.

What to do: Distract the talker by mentioning everyone's favorite (or least favorite) prepubescent pop star.

Example:
Maria: So let me tell you all about my toenail infection...
Kris: Err...
Maria: It's got pus coming out of the side and-
Kris: (points behind Maria) Hey look, Justin Bieber!
Maria: (turns around) Where?! ...I don't see him...
Kris: (laughs nervously) Yeah...about that. Erm...So have you heard his new album yet?
Maria: Yes I love it! Especially that one song about...

Conclusion: Like him or hate him, You're going to end up talking about Justin Bieber by the end of this conversation changer.

Warning: Two words. Bieber Fever. Beware for your health.

Conversation Changer #2: Fake Choking

Prepare: You must be eating food during this awkward conversation. Also have some water near you for the recovery.

What to do: Eat a bite. Pretend to choke.

Example
Carlos: Why don't you ever you hug me, Fred? Don't you like me? Huh?
Fred: (takes a bite)I...er-  (starts choking)
Carlos: Oh no! Oh no!
Jarrah: Swallow, Fred
Fred: (chokes and hacks...eventually stops) (drinks water) I'm ok. I am ok.
Carlos: Are you sure? You know, I remember once when I...

Conclusion: The talker will be so preoccupied with making sure you're ok that they'll forget all about the previous conversation. Possibly a new one involving choking hazards might start.

Warning: Risks include actually choking on your food (if you're not careful) and/or getting laughed at for your ridiculous stunt. Make sure the talker is naive enough to believe you.

Conversation Changer #1: Socks

Prepare: Wear fun/cool (preferably) knee high socks.

What to do: When you want to change the conversation, show people your socks and ask if they like them.

Example:

Carlos: Hey Fred, you should join our political, ethical, and moral discussions.

Fred: Uhh…

Carlos: You really should, I mean…

Jarrah: Hey! Look at my socks! (shows socks) Aren’t they pretty?

Fred: Yeah! Let’s talk about Jarrah’s socks. They’re amazing.

Jarrah: I know, right?

Carlos: Whatever…They are pretty cool socks though.

Conclusion: The talker might get weirded out and leave or they might love your socks, start talking about how great they are, and forget about the previous conversation.  

Warning: People might think you’re slightly bonkers. They might make fun of your socks, too. (We give advice on conversation changers, not fashion.)

Welcome!

Have you ever felt trapped in a conversation you didn't want to be a part of? Have you ever been dealt awkward questions you didn't particularly want to answer or people that made you want to push yourself down the stairs? (Don't do it!) Has all this ever made you break out in hives, start twitching uncontrollably, or experience explosive diarrhea?

Don't worry. You are not alone.

Millions of people across the globe suffer from the same problem you do and all of this is because they don't know how to change the conversation. Other websites may tell you you should have lists of previously discussed topics or enough subtlety, intelligence, or class to make sure the other person doesn't realize you're changing the conversation.

We're here to tell you: you don't need any of those things to change a conversation.

Nope. Even an idiot can do it. (We're not implying you're an idiot, of course.)

That is why we, Fred and Jarrah, are proud to present our list of
101 Conversation Changers...for Dummies.

The list will be updated frequently until we reach our goal, and each one will be tested by yours truly beforehand to make sure they're 100% foolproof.

Each CC will come with easy steps to follow and a breakdown of results, examples, and possible consequences.

We do not accept any responsibility for the results of our conversation changers. Use at your own risk.

But we'd love to hear how they go! Leave us a message!

Note: Be sure to check a couple times every week for new CCs. Update frequency depends on our homework load...