Prepare: Look up compliment in the dictionary. Practice sounding genuine. Your mom is the best person to practice complimenting because moms always know when you're lying or faking.
What to do: Distract the person by complimenting them.
Example:
Jarrah: ...and then the clouds were dancing and purple unicorns were flying and I saw flying pigs and I was so happy eating cotton candy and then I started falling and then I woke up! Want me to tell you about my amazing dream again?
Kris: No, I think ten times is enough.
Jarrah: OK! It all started when I saw a pink lizard and started following it-
Kris: I love your shoes! They're really cool!
Jarrah: (looks down) What? Thanks! I like your shirt!
Kris: I like your socks!
Jarrah: I love complimenting people! Let's go compliment random people! Hey! You! (points at random person) Nice hair!! I really like it!
Random Person: Uh, thanks..
Kris: (whispers) Jarrah, let's go!
Jarrah: You there! I love your glasses!
Kris: (sigh)
Conclusion: Conversation changed? Check.
Warning: Sound genuine. Fakeness will just get your friend mad. Also, after they are distracted, guide the conversation elsewhere so it doesn't go back to where it was before.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Conversation Changer #17: Big Words
Prepare: Be smart. Know a lot of big words and how to use them at least somewhat correctly.
What to do: When a person is talking to you or asking you awkward questions reply with a sentence that uses a plethora of big words.
Example:
Jarrah: Hey, Xianna!
Xianna: Oh, hi.
Jarrah: Do you want to come with me to the annual international name convention? It lasts all day and there's this speaker, he has the world record for putting the most people to sleep at a speech and they don't offer food and it's really freezing in the building but it's still great! Well?
Xianna: The convention has the pretense of being bromidic and platitudinous and while those activities may titillate me on opaque days, this day is obviously translucent.
Jarrah: Huh? I'm so confused. What were we talking about?
Xianna: The weather is nice today.
Jarrah: Yes, yes it is. Well, since this conversation is over, I think, I have to go. Bye!
Xianna: Bye! (sigh of relief)
Conclusion: Your friend will be so confused they will forget about the earlier conversation and maybe be scared away by your genius.
Warning: Use this only on not very smart people. Another smart person may retaliate with another round of big words and you do not, DO NOT, want to get into a big word fight. (I'm not speaking from experience of course. I would never get into one of those.)
What to do: When a person is talking to you or asking you awkward questions reply with a sentence that uses a plethora of big words.
Example:
Jarrah: Hey, Xianna!
Xianna: Oh, hi.
Jarrah: Do you want to come with me to the annual international name convention? It lasts all day and there's this speaker, he has the world record for putting the most people to sleep at a speech and they don't offer food and it's really freezing in the building but it's still great! Well?
Xianna: The convention has the pretense of being bromidic and platitudinous and while those activities may titillate me on opaque days, this day is obviously translucent.
Jarrah: Huh? I'm so confused. What were we talking about?
Xianna: The weather is nice today.
Jarrah: Yes, yes it is. Well, since this conversation is over, I think, I have to go. Bye!
Xianna: Bye! (sigh of relief)
Conclusion: Your friend will be so confused they will forget about the earlier conversation and maybe be scared away by your genius.
Warning: Use this only on not very smart people. Another smart person may retaliate with another round of big words and you do not, DO NOT, want to get into a big word fight. (I'm not speaking from experience of course. I would never get into one of those.)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Conversation Changer #16 : Crying
Prepare: Know how to fake cry.
What to do: When you want to change the conversation, start crying.
Example:
Carlos: I am the luckiest person alive! I won a million dollars in the lottery and now I can buy anything I want and my parents are taking me to Hawaii and....
Fred: (starts crying)
Carlos: What's wrong?
Fred: (starts crying harder) My life sucks. I got an A on my project. I was supposed to get an A+ and I didn't. (keeps crying)
Carlos: Come on, Fred, it's going to be okay. How about we talk about your favorite book now.
Fred: (stops crying) Really? Okay!
Conclusion: Your friend will feel so bad for you, they will talk about anything that will make you happy.
Warning: Your crying has to be believable or else you'll just make yourself look bad. Also, don't use this one often or else your friends will get you therapy for depression.
What to do: When you want to change the conversation, start crying.
Example:
Carlos: I am the luckiest person alive! I won a million dollars in the lottery and now I can buy anything I want and my parents are taking me to Hawaii and....
Fred: (starts crying)
Carlos: What's wrong?
Fred: (starts crying harder) My life sucks. I got an A on my project. I was supposed to get an A+ and I didn't. (keeps crying)
Carlos: Come on, Fred, it's going to be okay. How about we talk about your favorite book now.
Fred: (stops crying) Really? Okay!
Conclusion: Your friend will feel so bad for you, they will talk about anything that will make you happy.
Warning: Your crying has to be believable or else you'll just make yourself look bad. Also, don't use this one often or else your friends will get you therapy for depression.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Conversation Changer #15: Confession
Prepare: Sometimes the truth can set you free. And sometimes it can get you out of awkward conversations!
What To Do: A sudden confession will be more than enough to distract your talker, especially if it concerns them. The juicier the better!
Example:
Jarrah: -and then we went frolicking through the flowers. She loved the ring I got her. I'm telling you, Ivanna's the girl for me...I've never met anyone like her before! She just makes me feel so complete-
Fred: Ivanna's marrying me.
Jarrah: She's just so beautiful and-what? WHY?!
Fred: You mentioned her the other day so I went to go talk to her. She's the heir to the Russian throne apparently so I asked her to marry me. It was pretty cool.
Jarrah: (in tears) WHAT! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME FRED?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!
Fred: (shrugs) She comes from money and power, and besides, it's not like her husbands last long anyway. I'm doing you a favor, pal. This way, you get to stay alive and I get to be the Russian czar. Everyone wins!
Jarrah: Wow...I never thought of it that way. You're a genius, Fred.
Fred: Evil genius, Jarrah. The evil part's important.
Conclusion: You can completely turn the conversation around with this one! Just make sure you like the way it's heading, or your confession won't matter.
Warning: All right so the actual conversation didn't really go like this. Jarrah actually...threatened to murder me if I married Ivanna, so this wasn't a good thing to bring up in the middle of conversation. Make sure you confession doesn't get you killed.
Friday, May 20, 2011
New Announcement!
Dear Readers,
Due to popular demand (looking at you Carlos!) , we will be doing an advice column tidbit as well. Basically, all you have to do is post your awkward conversation problem here on this page and we'll make conversation changers especially for you! Yes, we are just that awesome.
By the way, this is in NO way due to the fact we're running our of things to write about and desperately need inspiration. Nope. Not at all.
Seriously.
Ok we're lying. Just do it. We NEED to reach 101!
Somewhat Sincerely,
Fred and Jarrah
Due to popular demand (looking at you Carlos!) , we will be doing an advice column tidbit as well. Basically, all you have to do is post your awkward conversation problem here on this page and we'll make conversation changers especially for you! Yes, we are just that awesome.
By the way, this is in NO way due to the fact we're running our of things to write about and desperately need inspiration. Nope. Not at all.
Seriously.
Ok we're lying. Just do it. We NEED to reach 101!
Somewhat Sincerely,
Fred and Jarrah
Conversation Changer #14: The Staredown
Prepare: Practice staring at yourself in the mirror (I know that's scary for some of you...but deal with it). Try to see how long you can go without breaking eye contact. Play the Jaws theme music in the background to get into the mood.
What to do: When the conversation starts to head in a direction you don't like, begin staring at the talker with an ominous look.
Example:
Fred: So you wanna practice all the French tenses together again? And after maybe we can factor polynomials together! Doesn't that sound fun?! And maybe even do...
(cue dramatic music)
Carlos: (stares intently at Fred)
Fred: Umm...
Carlos: (nostrils flaring, doesn't break eye contact)
Fred: You feeling alright, pal?
Carlos: (Leans in closer, doesn't speak)
(Lights dim)
Fred: (eye twitches) Err... What's with the music? And why did it get so dark all of a sudden?
Carlos: (eyes get wider)
Fred: Umm...I'm just gonna go now. (laughs nervously) See you later! (runs-yes, literally runs-off).
Carlos: (gaze follows Fred as he leaves)
Conclusion: Success!! You have either a. made the talker pee their pants, b. sent them to the nurse for uncontrollable twitching, or c. disturbed them enough to give them night terrors for the next few weeks. However, it's most likely d. all of the above. And the night terrors usually last more than a couple of weeks, fyi. Just sayin'
Warning: You might not be able to blink at all, afterwards, if you do this for too long. The Jaws theme may stay stuck in your head for, well, forever. You might possibly get sued for emotional infringement too. But really, the probability of that is really low, unless of course, you're me. Or Jarrah.
What to do: When the conversation starts to head in a direction you don't like, begin staring at the talker with an ominous look.
Example:
Fred: So you wanna practice all the French tenses together again? And after maybe we can factor polynomials together! Doesn't that sound fun?! And maybe even do...
(cue dramatic music)
Carlos: (stares intently at Fred)
Fred: Umm...
Carlos: (nostrils flaring, doesn't break eye contact)
Fred: You feeling alright, pal?
Carlos: (Leans in closer, doesn't speak)
(Lights dim)
Fred: (eye twitches) Err... What's with the music? And why did it get so dark all of a sudden?
Carlos: (eyes get wider)
Fred: Umm...I'm just gonna go now. (laughs nervously) See you later! (runs-yes, literally runs-off).
Carlos: (gaze follows Fred as he leaves)
Conclusion: Success!! You have either a. made the talker pee their pants, b. sent them to the nurse for uncontrollable twitching, or c. disturbed them enough to give them night terrors for the next few weeks. However, it's most likely d. all of the above. And the night terrors usually last more than a couple of weeks, fyi. Just sayin'
Warning: You might not be able to blink at all, afterwards, if you do this for too long. The Jaws theme may stay stuck in your head for, well, forever. You might possibly get sued for emotional infringement too. But really, the probability of that is really low, unless of course, you're me. Or Jarrah.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Conversation Changer #13: Push Ups
Prepare: Practice your strict, scary principal yelling voice.
What to do: When you want the conversation to change yell at the person to do push ups, using your scary voice.
Example:
Jarrah: I'm so depressed! My fiance killed my pet moose. She was taking it for a walk but then I found a dead carcass in my bed. I mean, I still love her but I miss my moose and I'm sad now. The moose was going to be my best man. I didn't even have time to name it and I think I'm going to cry now and -
Fred: DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!!
Jarrah: What? Twenty what?
Fred: PUSH UPS, YOU MORON!!!! AND BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOTIC COMMENT, DO SIXTY!!!!
Jarrah: What? Please no!
Fred: ONE HUNDRED!!!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING OUT MY TWENTY POUND TEXTBOOKS TO PUT ON YOUR BACK TOO????
Jarrah: N-n-n-o! (drops to the floor, frantic push ups) one, two, three (panting) four...
Fred: That's more like it! And when you're done, we can discuss dictators' strategies for conquering the world and which ones are most practical and ideal.
Conclusion: After your friend is done, you can talk about whatever you choose. Your friend will most likely be so exhausted they will nod and smile to whatever you say.
Warning: Do not, I repeat, do not do this if your friend is much stronger than you. You might end up being the exhausted one doing push ups with a black eye and twenty textbooks on your back. Oh, and if your friend likes push ups, it's okay. They will just have fun doing push ups.
What to do: When you want the conversation to change yell at the person to do push ups, using your scary voice.
Example:
Jarrah: I'm so depressed! My fiance killed my pet moose. She was taking it for a walk but then I found a dead carcass in my bed. I mean, I still love her but I miss my moose and I'm sad now. The moose was going to be my best man. I didn't even have time to name it and I think I'm going to cry now and -
Fred: DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!!
Jarrah: What? Twenty what?
Fred: PUSH UPS, YOU MORON!!!! AND BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOTIC COMMENT, DO SIXTY!!!!
Jarrah: What? Please no!
Fred: ONE HUNDRED!!!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING OUT MY TWENTY POUND TEXTBOOKS TO PUT ON YOUR BACK TOO????
Jarrah: N-n-n-o! (drops to the floor, frantic push ups) one, two, three (panting) four...
Fred: That's more like it! And when you're done, we can discuss dictators' strategies for conquering the world and which ones are most practical and ideal.
Conclusion: After your friend is done, you can talk about whatever you choose. Your friend will most likely be so exhausted they will nod and smile to whatever you say.
Warning: Do not, I repeat, do not do this if your friend is much stronger than you. You might end up being the exhausted one doing push ups with a black eye and twenty textbooks on your back. Oh, and if your friend likes push ups, it's okay. They will just have fun doing push ups.
Google!
We're google official now! Fred googled "conversation changers" everyday and we finally showed up!! (Read the last one!)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Conversation Changer #12 : Fainting
Prepare: Practice fainting at home. You likely need a soft surface, apple juice, and two boxes of marshmallows. Preferably sugar free.
What to do: When the conversation gets unbearable, pretend to faint and "collapse" into the arms of your talkative talker.
Example:
Kris: -and then we walked and walked. Oh and we held hands and tried to pretend people weren't following us but they were so it was kind of awkward but it was still wonderful and-
Alberto: I..err..don't feel so good....(faints)
What to do: When the conversation gets unbearable, pretend to faint and "collapse" into the arms of your talkative talker.
Example:
Kris: -and then we walked and walked. Oh and we held hands and tried to pretend people weren't following us but they were so it was kind of awkward but it was still wonderful and-
Alberto: I..err..don't feel so good....(faints)
Kris: (catches friend) Alberto!! Are you okay?? What should I do? Call an ambulance? The police? Your mom?! Don't die!!
Alberto: (opens eyes slowly, stands up groggily) huh...wha-what happened? Where am I?
Kris: YOU'RE ALIVE!!
Alberto: What happened?
Kris: You fainted but now you're alive and don't scare me like that again...
Conclusion: Your friend will be so scared by your fainting and so glad that you're alive, they'll forget all about the conversation talking place beforehand.
Warning: Serious injury could occur if done wrong. For one thing, you could fall wrong and hurt yourself or erm..have your lame attempt be discovered by your friend and get hurt in entirely different ways. Make sure it's believable, or otherwise, you'll end up in the hospital both ways. You have been warned.
Alberto: (opens eyes slowly, stands up groggily) huh...wha-what happened? Where am I?
Kris: YOU'RE ALIVE!!
Alberto: What happened?
Kris: You fainted but now you're alive and don't scare me like that again...
Conclusion: Your friend will be so scared by your fainting and so glad that you're alive, they'll forget all about the conversation talking place beforehand.
Warning: Serious injury could occur if done wrong. For one thing, you could fall wrong and hurt yourself or erm..have your lame attempt be discovered by your friend and get hurt in entirely different ways. Make sure it's believable, or otherwise, you'll end up in the hospital both ways. You have been warned.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Sorry
Sorry we haven't been very good at posting often. We had a test in AP Bunny Care and we were studying for that but now that that's over (we will let you know how we did) we will have more time to post.
Fred and Jarrah :)
Fred and Jarrah :)
Conversation Changer #11: Engagement
Prepare: Get a ring. You don't have to but you could actually get engaged.
What to do: Start talking about your engagement.
Example:
Fred: I love prom! I can't wait to go this party! It's like prom! I'm wearing my lime green suit but I don't know which tie to wear. Should I wear the one with penguins or the one with parrots? Maybe the one with lions and tigers? Or jaguars or ele...
Jarrah: I'm engaged.
Fred: What?
Jarrah: Her name is Ivanna the Horrible. She's so nice!
Fred: Isn't she the one with eight husbands?
Jarrah: So?
Fred: At the same time? And the one with a "quick temper"?
Jarrah: Don't be jealous. Let's plan my wedding!
Fred: Let's not. I did a research project on her. Here let me read my list of one hundred reasons why no one should marry Ivanna the Horrible or Ivan the Terrible. Reason Number 1: What follows the. Reason Number 2...
Conclusion: You changed the conversation. If your friend doesn't pick it up, just start planning your wedding.
Warning: Your friend might be mad if you're not actually engaged and might tell the person you're "engaged to". This could be embarrassing/awkward/weird but you have conversation changers so it will be fine. Also, if your fake engagement buddy really likes you and the idea of getting engaged and you might actually find yourself getting married. Hopefully not.
What to do: Start talking about your engagement.
Example:
Fred: I love prom! I can't wait to go this party! It's like prom! I'm wearing my lime green suit but I don't know which tie to wear. Should I wear the one with penguins or the one with parrots? Maybe the one with lions and tigers? Or jaguars or ele...
Jarrah: I'm engaged.
Fred: What?
Jarrah: Her name is Ivanna the Horrible. She's so nice!
Fred: Isn't she the one with eight husbands?
Jarrah: So?
Fred: At the same time? And the one with a "quick temper"?
Jarrah: Don't be jealous. Let's plan my wedding!
Fred: Let's not. I did a research project on her. Here let me read my list of one hundred reasons why no one should marry Ivanna the Horrible or Ivan the Terrible. Reason Number 1: What follows the. Reason Number 2...
Conclusion: You changed the conversation. If your friend doesn't pick it up, just start planning your wedding.
Warning: Your friend might be mad if you're not actually engaged and might tell the person you're "engaged to". This could be embarrassing/awkward/weird but you have conversation changers so it will be fine. Also, if your fake engagement buddy really likes you and the idea of getting engaged and you might actually find yourself getting married. Hopefully not.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Conversation Changer # 10: Positive Negative Positive
Prepare: This one requires a bit of psychology. Be able to say at least two good things about the talker.
What to do: You're basically going to "sandwich" your negative statement between two positive ones to lessen the impact. This one has been proven to work by experts (ok, just us, but still).
Example:
Fred: You know, today has been a horrible day for me, . First I broke my nail holding my pencil in class then-
Kris: I...er...got pushed down the stairs and trampled on in the hallway. Now I've got two broken ribs....and I found out I was adopted earlier-
Fred:Yeah yeah whatever, so as I was saying-
Kris: You know you're a very good story teller.Fred: Gee thanks-
Kris: So can you shut up about your problems and focus on mine for once?!
Fred: Well that's-Kris: (giggles) I knew you'd understand! YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND EVER!
Fred: Err... (too dazed to understand what's happened.)
Conclusion: Also known as the bipolar conversation changer, this will leave the talker too confused to deal with your negative statement. Chances are, they probably have the attention span of a fly, and will only remember the last bit of that conversation. Hopefully.
Warning: If by some chance this technique doesn't work on the talker, there is a slight chance they might hunt you down with plastic sporks (or whatever they seem to be holding at the time) for offending them.
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