Prepare: Practice your strict, scary principal yelling voice.
What to do: When you want the conversation to change yell at the person to do push ups, using your scary voice.
Example:
Jarrah: I'm so depressed! My fiance killed my pet moose. She was taking it for a walk but then I found a dead carcass in my bed. I mean, I still love her but I miss my moose and I'm sad now. The moose was going to be my best man. I didn't even have time to name it and I think I'm going to cry now and -
Fred: DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!!
Jarrah: What? Twenty what?
Fred: PUSH UPS, YOU MORON!!!! AND BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOTIC COMMENT, DO SIXTY!!!!
Jarrah: What? Please no!
Fred: ONE HUNDRED!!!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING OUT MY TWENTY POUND TEXTBOOKS TO PUT ON YOUR BACK TOO????
Jarrah: N-n-n-o! (drops to the floor, frantic push ups) one, two, three (panting) four...
Fred: That's more like it! And when you're done, we can discuss dictators' strategies for conquering the world and which ones are most practical and ideal.
Conclusion: After your friend is done, you can talk about whatever you choose. Your friend will most likely be so exhausted they will nod and smile to whatever you say.
Warning: Do not, I repeat, do not do this if your friend is much stronger than you. You might end up being the exhausted one doing push ups with a black eye and twenty textbooks on your back. Oh, and if your friend likes push ups, it's okay. They will just have fun doing push ups.
Fred is so cruel to you, Jarrah. Making you do all those pushups. I don't understand you two can be friends with each other...
ReplyDelete