Prepare: Practice staring at yourself in the mirror (I know that's scary for some of you...but deal with it). Try to see how long you can go without breaking eye contact. Play the Jaws theme music in the background to get into the mood.
What to do: When the conversation starts to head in a direction you don't like, begin staring at the talker with an ominous look.
Example:
Fred: So you wanna practice all the French tenses together again? And after maybe we can factor polynomials together! Doesn't that sound fun?! And maybe even do...
(cue dramatic music)
Carlos: (stares intently at Fred)
Fred: Umm...
Carlos: (nostrils flaring, doesn't break eye contact)
Fred: You feeling alright, pal?
Carlos: (Leans in closer, doesn't speak)
(Lights dim)
Fred: (eye twitches) Err... What's with the music? And why did it get so dark all of a sudden?
Carlos: (eyes get wider)
Fred: Umm...I'm just gonna go now. (laughs nervously) See you later! (runs-yes, literally runs-off).
Carlos: (gaze follows Fred as he leaves)
Conclusion: Success!! You have either a. made the talker pee their pants, b. sent them to the nurse for uncontrollable twitching, or c. disturbed them enough to give them night terrors for the next few weeks. However, it's most likely d. all of the above. And the night terrors usually last more than a couple of weeks, fyi. Just sayin'
Warning: You might not be able to blink at all, afterwards, if you do this for too long. The Jaws theme may stay stuck in your head for, well, forever. You might possibly get sued for emotional infringement too. But really, the probability of that is really low, unless of course, you're me. Or Jarrah.
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