Conversation Changer #22 : AP Tests

This post is to see whether people even read this blog anymore. Jarrah votes no. Fred votes... Fred doesn't even read this blog anymore. Jarrah is just super bored now that the AP test is over. 
 
Prepare: Take an AP test. Or don't. You can always pretend you took one. Just make sure to do all the proper research beforehand.

What to do: When the conversation is going awry (yes, Jarrah did learn a new word), simply talk about your fear of the upcoming test or your feeling about the test you just took. Works best with someone who has never taken an AP test before.

Example:
Alberto: Hey, Jarrah? How are you? I haven't seen you in forever. Have you solved your procrastination problem yet?
Jarrah: Problem? What problem? And you saw me yesterday!
Alberto: You don't have to hide it. I know you have problems with procrastination. It's okay. If we just talk about it, we can solve it. That's all there is to it.
Jarrah: I really don't want to talk about...
Alberto: Are you procrastinating talking about your procrastinating problem?
Jarrah: Actually,  you know question 37 on my AP Flower Watering test was really easy! I can't believe they asked that. It was the third paragraph on page 177 in our book. But really, I'm just so glad to get it over with. It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. You know? This feeling... I don't know how to describe it. I feel so free! And...
Alberto: Um. I think I have to go clean my yard now. Maybe we can talk later. Like in 3 months. When you've forgotten all about your AP test.

Conclusion: Well, maybe the result wasn't supposed to be to scare off your friend but you can always ask them to stay.

Warning: Do not bring the topic of AP tests up with other AP testers. You might end up being stuck in an hour long conversation about a test you'd rather forget. (Note: This has never ever happened to Jarrah. Or Fred. Or both at the same time.)

Absence.

We are sorry about our long absence. We apparently did promise to post a few times  a week. But we have lives.

What?

We do.

To apologize for our absence, we made some new tabs. Click on them above.

Hopefully, we will write more CCs. Maybe, once a week. Month. Year.

To our dear "friends", who keep bothering us to write more. :P

We are busy people.

Here's what we've been doing:
Writing a book.
Working on our consitution.
Trying to earn/gather money for our conquests.
Naming our planet.
Writing a national anthem.
Procrastinating. Er. Working.
Learning new dictator ways.
Looking at scholarships to get into the Official Dictator School.
Attempting to keep our minions in order.
And many many other things.

So this blog has slowed down.

Jarrah does have 1 new idea. We have three old ones but we have no idea what they were supposed to be about since only the titles exist. We're (or maybe just Jarrah) are thinking of a replies to the commentors that asked for specific CCs. All in good times, peoples.

Look for the new CC in a few days (or weeks, or months, or years.)

And while you wait, feel free to reread all our old posts and laugh again. (It's not like Jarrah would ever do that. But you can have fun!)

P.S. We're also supposed to have a new logo instead of the orange B but it hasn't worked yet. Her name is Curtina.

Conversation Changer #21 : Singing

Note: This is an oldie that we forgot to publish. As you can tell, it was written in June. School has resumed again and Fred is getting his fair share of quintupiple advanced college level world dictator classes. We are also getting experience as presidents of congress.


Prepare: Learn the lyrics to a song that is popular and maybe even annoying. It also helps if you can't sing or have a naturally annoying singing voice.

What to do: Bored with the conversation? Just start singing.

Example:
Carlos: Can we please go to the movies? I really want to see "Pink Ponies Fly"! It's about two people who work at an amusement park and fall in love.
Fred: No.
Carlos: But it's full of romance and love and... please?
Fred: No.
Carlos: Plea-
Fred: (singing) It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! Partying, partying-
Carlos: Um, it's Thursday.
Fred: Yeah! Fun, fun, fun, fun...
Carlos: Hey! Last Friday was the last day of school!
Fred: I know. It's sucks. I'm going to miss my quadruple advanced calculus and trigonometry statistics class.
Carlos: My favorite part of the year was...


Conclusion: Your friend will be reminded of something from the song and will talk about that. Or if the song is really annoying, they'll talk about anything to get you to stop singing.

Warning: Learning a popular/catchy/annoying song has the risks of your head exploding because it gets stuck in your head and doesn't come out.

Conversation Changer #20 : Sleep

Prepare: Either be really tired already (if you know that an awkward conversation will definitely come up) or just have good acting.

What to do: Fall asleep in the middle of the conversation.

Example: 
Jarrah: I'm so excited for this summer! Carlos, we are going to have so much fun! We can reread the encyclopedias we read last summer, except it has to be the updated version of course and of course we can annotate them too.
Carlos: Um, no thanks.
Jarrah: What? Don't mumble. We can also count the number of words in the books in the Library of Congress and then dust them and-
Carlos: (snore)
Jarrah: Carlos? Are you awake? Do you not want to talk about this?
Carlos: What? Cookies...
Jarrah: Wake up! Let's go eat some cookies!
Carlos: (slowly awakens) What? Where am I?
Jarrah: Chocolate chip or sugar cookies?

Conclusion: You've changed the conversation! And got a nap in too!

Warning: Make it realistic and don't be too tired or your friend might leave you asleep wherever you are. Falling asleep in a fountain is not pleasant. Just saying.

Conversation Changer #19: Moving

Prepare: Come up with a realistic place you could move to (unless your friend is not very bright, then any place will work). You could also actually be moving or use this when you are moving but that is definitely not a requirement. 

What to do: When you need to change the conversation, simply tell your friend you're moving.

Example: 

Alberto: Will you please tell me?

Kris: No.

Alberto: Pretty please! 

Kris: No and that's final.

Alberto: COME ON!!
Kris: NO!

Alberto: I know that you like Maria!! Come on, admit it!!

Kris: I'm moving.

Alberto: What?

Kris: To Ohio.

Alberto: NOOOOOO!! I'LL MISS YOU SOOO MUCH!!!

Kris: Just kidding.

Alberto: (sigh of relief)

Kris: I'm actually moving to China.

Conclusion: Once your friend is hit with the realization that you are "moving", they will start talking about how much they'll miss you and how nice and sweet you are.

Warning: Have a believable excuse for why you're actually not moving later when you don't end up moving. Try to sound realistic and don't use this often.

Conversation Changer #18 : Compliment

Prepare: Look up compliment in the dictionary. Practice sounding genuine. Your mom is the best person to practice complimenting because moms always know when you're lying or faking.

What to do: Distract the person by complimenting them.

Example: 
Jarrah: ...and then the clouds were dancing and purple unicorns were flying and I saw flying pigs and I was so happy eating cotton candy and then I started falling and then I woke up! Want me to tell you about my amazing dream again?
Kris: No, I think ten times is enough.
Jarrah: OK! It all started when I saw a pink lizard and started following it-
Kris: I love your shoes! They're really cool!
Jarrah: (looks down) What? Thanks! I like your shirt!
Kris: I like your socks!
Jarrah: I love complimenting people! Let's go compliment random people! Hey! You! (points at random person) Nice hair!! I really like it!
Random Person: Uh, thanks..
Kris: (whispers) Jarrah, let's go!
Jarrah: You there! I love your glasses!
Kris: (sigh)

Conclusion: Conversation changed? Check.

Warning: Sound genuine. Fakeness will just get your friend mad. Also, after they are distracted, guide the conversation elsewhere so it doesn't go back to where it was before.

Conversation Changer #17: Big Words

Prepare: Be smart. Know a lot of big words and how to use them at least somewhat correctly.

What to do: When a person is talking to you or asking you awkward questions reply with a sentence that uses a plethora  of big words. 

Example:
Jarrah: Hey, Xianna!
Xianna: Oh, hi.
Jarrah: Do you want to come with me to the annual international name convention? It lasts all day and there's this speaker, he has the world record for putting the most people to sleep at a speech and they don't offer food and it's really freezing in the building but it's still great! Well?
Xianna: The convention has the pretense of being bromidic and platitudinous and while those activities may titillate me on opaque days, this day is obviously translucent. 
Jarrah: Huh? I'm so confused. What were we talking about?
Xianna: The weather is nice today.
Jarrah: Yes, yes it is. Well, since this conversation is over, I think, I have to go. Bye!
Xianna: Bye! (sigh of relief)

Conclusion: Your friend will be so confused they will forget about the earlier conversation and maybe be scared away by your genius.

Warning: Use this only on not very smart people. Another smart person may retaliate with another round of big words and you do not, DO NOT, want to get into a big word fight. (I'm not speaking from experience of course. I would never get into one of those.)